life story of a young blind boy!

Mr. Sulman’s life story
There come so many interesting or we may say the strange things in life which really turn the entire motion of man’s life. Some times, life, unexpectedly takes us to the path which we never ever think of or imagine to move on. More often than not, every thing goes in quite opposite direction than the one we desire. Perhaps, this shows the man’s weakness before nature and clearly speaks of his limitations. This also reminds us of God’s ever-lasting strength and power which gives an opportunity to the man to bring the element of modesty in him and feel down to earth all the time. For a good human being, its very essential to bow before the decisions of All Mighty for this is the true way to prove yourself His real believer. In this way, things become easier and one gets use to of all the happenings which have been written in his or her fate.

Early life:


My life, however, has also been very interesting and full of unusual accounts.
I was born in Sharaqpur Sharif, a town near Shaikhoopoora, which is considered to be one of the exciting places of Punjab and its about one hours drive away from Lahore. It was on 22 November 1983, when I entered this cruel world and started the first day of my life in this mortal land. My parents chose salman to be my name, which I like also! I had one elder brother at that time name Usman. It is mostly said by our parents and other elderly figures of our family that there was hell ofdifference in Usman’s and my attitude. My childhood was really a nasty one as I was really hard to control, whereas, Usman always was a kid of calmness and very jentle in behavior. I really gave tough time to my parents especially at the age of four or five and things became really difficult for them with my unstoppable mischiefs. However, I began my schooling in the same town and my school, centre Model, was considered to be the best in entire Sharaqpur! In that little age, I was really famous in my area for kite flying, playing cricket and many other thrilling sort of activities. I had little, and some times serious kind of wounds wile climbing over the walls or jumping from one place to an other and running after the kites etc. My biggest craze was flying kites and for that, I had to face the music before my mother. I even would be flying the kites in the hot afternoons of may and june which always caused so much anxiety for my parents. On the other hand, I was always among the shining children in my class, and till grade 3 I got first position which was a matter of joy for my family. The days, however, kept passing by till I was promoted in class four, but at the same time my father decided to shift to Lahore for he had already established his business over there! Till that time, I had two more brothers, Hassan and Soban.
Anyways, I was little sad to leave the streets where I spent the early days of my childhood and had unforgettable memories connected with those places. But nevertheless, it was also a matter of great excitement to be shifted to Lahore, a city where life never seems dull with its great hustle and bustle!


Entry in lahore:


It was the early days of 1994 when our new house in the area of gulshan ravi, welcomed us and life all together looked really wonderful and charming one. My father was running a marriage hall near by our home and was just 10 minutes walk away. I Got admission in Pak angel school in class five, not that far away from my residence which had a repute for being one of the best English Medium schools in the area.
Things were not easy for me initially, as it was really difficult to be adjusted in One of the good English medium School coming right from an orthodox kind of Urdu Medium school and that too in backward area. There was great difference in educational standard and I really had to go through some tough time. It took couple of months at least to become some what familiar to me and slowly and gradually I started feeling myself to be the part of that system in proper manner. Now every thing was looking to be in the best of shapes and I really felt good about most of the things till my vision began deteriorating and it brought the worse shock of my life. This unacceptable reality first dawned at me when I was attending the class in my school and suddenly couldn’t see clearly as to what my teacher had written on the Blackboard. At first, I didn’t really understand that what was going on and I was really confused about that. I quietly kept that secret unrevealed for one week or so, but then my English teacher called upon my mother in the school and explained my shocking eye-sight condition to her that I couldn’t see blackboard sitting behind and to take down the stuff I had to come right in front of it. It was really something of great pain for my mother to hear that. She straight away took me to the home and told my dad the entire situation. They both were mighty upset and got appointment from an Eye-specialist the very next day!
It became even worse for my parents to see the doctor, when he, after closely analyzing my eye-sight condition, revealed the fact that I had already lost the complete vision from the left eye. This really shattered my parents internally and my mother couldn’t help weeping bitterly at the spot. Though I was still able to see more than 50 percent from my right eye, but it also did not last too long. On Doctor’s query, my parents told him when I was 7 years old, I fell down stairs running hard after the ball. There were about 20 stairs and I got serious injury on my head, due to which, I lost my consciousness for about 6 hours. So that proved to be the reason, doctor clarified, that that injury had damaged the brain cells that generate light for eyes. I then, hardly missed any doctor in Pakistan and wasted more than one year in different treatments. My parents fought hard against my vision problem, but to no avail. Instead, I also lost the right eye vision in the span of 6 months, though not completely.
It was also planned to send me abroad for better treatment, but most of the doctors advised that there wasn’t a proper treatment of my problem at that time in abroad either.
Since then, I could just see 5 to 10 percent from my right eye, which at times proves pretty handy for some thing is better than nothing. My parents, undoubtedly, gave their best in order to find a solution and successful treatment for the recovery of my vision, but nothing could really improve. On the other hand, I started feeling myself quite used to of all the circumstances, and other than just a few initial days, , I never felt any regret nor lost my hope in life. Although, it was some thing really devastating for a child of 12 years after having seen all the world with his eyes, specially the one who always loved jumping, playing, running, going outside and lots of other energetic games, wasn’t really some thing easy for me to be bound and unmoved inside the home. but to be very honest, I wasn’t really shaken on this big loss of eye-sight. Just one thing, which always created a feeling of discomfort for me, and that was, whenever my mother wept bitterly on this sudden tragedy and felt great pain for that. Obviously she was never ready to receive such shock from fate and it really brought a great sorrow for her having found his shining son in such darkness in which he could no longer move!
It was the last month of 1995 perhaps, when one of my uncle advised my parents to send me to a typical Madrasa to become Hafizay Quran. My parents took his advice and I was sent to one of the Madrasa in my area, where I would go morning to after noon and began learning Quran By heart. I was really lucky enough to have already completed the Holy Quran reading with eyes when I still could see. I almost went there for about month or so, but couldn’t persist with that for the children behavior and that typical Qari system didn’t suit me that much. I then, preferred staying in home or just lived in my sweet nani’s place for at least couple of weeks in a month.

New life in blind schools:


At that stage, I didn’t have any concept regarding blind students education or their special system of learning in schools. That was the reason, that I smelled the end of my school period and it was really a matter of displeasure for me. But it wasn’t to be for too long, as my life was to move on, for God opens 100 other doors at the closing of just one!
It was in march 1996, when during the appointment with an other eye-specialist, we came to know that there are schools for special children as well and the doctor gave us the address of one of the blind education centre in the area of Johar town known to be Hajvairi Special Education Centre for the blind. My parents took me there for admission and I was accepted happily by the school principal. It was really unbelievable to see 50 60 blinds under one roof. My parents were taken a back and my mom started weeping to see that much number of blind children at one place. However, I joined the school and was really excited about that. Although, in the beginning I hated to learn Braille system, a language of dots, , through which blind students can read and write, but then it was the only source of learning for the study purpose. In just couple of months I became quite familiar with Braille and started reading Braille books. They adjusted me in class four which I really disliked, because I would have been in class 7at that time if I had not lost my vision. Somehow, i consented all that willingly and bent myself before the will of God for there is always reward for that. In the first couple of months things really looked strange to me, as I, in my life never had thought of such an atmosphere and unusual way of life. This, however, took not that much time me to take up the challenges and start accepting things gladly, for that was now my own world. A world, where I had to start an other journey of my life. A world, which was now deeply associated with me and the world, which, perhaps would be there with me till my last breath!
Anyhow, I was happy with every thing and spent just over one year there. During that period I made very good blind friends and really enjoyed the every bit of that time. We were all very naughty and gave our teachers a tough time. One of the friend masood is still one of my best friend even after 10 years and we have unforgettable memories over the last one decade!
I then, got admission in an other blind institution , Aziz Jahan Baigum Trust for the blind, AJB school! Let me tell u honestly that this was the turning point in my life which proved to be of great value for me and contributed a lot wherever I stand today. I can challenge it openly that AJB is thee best blind school in entire Punjab which aims at providing the best education with modern facilities to the blind children. I’m not saying this because of the fact that I’ve done my matriculation from the same institute, but it really is well ahead and better in many regards than all other government schools in Punjab, where the education standard is just next to nothing!
When I joined AJB, they right away promoted me in class 7 after taking my test. I really loved the environment over there and staff was just awesome including my sweet teacher, Mis Gallei More, who was our Braille teacher and really helped us a lot in learning English language. She was also my favourit teacher, for she was a very fit Gori!... She had come from Australia on the behalf of one organization to teach and help blind kids here in Pakistan. My four years at AJB were just the golden period for me and I could never forget the great moments of my life which I spent over there. It is a co-education institute and students are given many opportunities to polish themselves up and get the maximum advantage in order to gain great confidence in life. This institute, however, is also responsible for introducing so many things for blind and created history in several cases. For instance, it was due to AJB that now blind students in Punjab have this permission to take their exams in Braille. I was in the second batch of students of AJB, who took their exams of matriculation in Braille through Lahore board of Education. We were also first students in blind history in Punjab who selected computer science as one of our main subject in our matric and I was thee most successful in that by scoring 83 percent marks in this subject!
I again had so many special friends from AJB and still now, we are in connection with one an other. My other nice friends and class fellows are, ruksaana, hina and imran! Other than them, I also happened to have some extra special persons in my life through AJB, Who I thought to be most important for myself and never imagined to live without them.
Anyways, but its all the game of luck, u lose some and u get some, so life keeps going on and on leaving your past far behind!
AJB also played a vital role in strengthening my Mobility, and since that time, i’m able to go anywhere in the country. Whenever I need to go out of city, like pindi, Islamabad faislabaad etc, where I have number of friends, I just go alone with the help of my white cane. And yes, how can I forget my best friend, my companion and my great guide, its none other, but my white cane!
I’ve also composed a beautiful melodious song on my white cane and its theme is the importance and value of cane for blind as there is no pain with cane!
I’ve always been very much fond of music, poetry, reading fictional books, that is, Urdu and English.
One more thing, which I haven’t mentioned yet is, I’m very good keyboard player. Yes, playing piano is some thing which is deeply connected with my soul since my school time and I love it so much. I’ve also made some good compositions on my piano and like them as well. I love to write things, weather that is urdu poetry, including Nazam Ghazal or any general piece of fiction which some times comes out right from the depth of my heart. I wrote my first Ghazal for some one very special, when I was in class 9 and its first two ashar were these;

Piar kay naghmay sunanay walay sada khush raho,
Mairi zindigi sajanay walay sada khush raho.
Tairay hi dum say hay gulshan ke bahaar,
Har soo deep jalanay walay sada khush raho!
I don’t right poetry quite regularly, but whenever some thing very special happens, or some sadness knocks upon the heart door, I, unconsciously start converting my feelings in to chain of words.

My college life:

After completing my matriculation with first division, I was fortunate enough to get admission in Government College Lahore GC, which is, undoubtedly, a best college in entire Punjab. It was in 2001 when I joined my first-year classes. I chose computer sciences for my Inter courses. Thus, I was the first blind in Punjab to be given this opportunity for the first time. I was happy to be considered myself for being a part of great GC, but the early days at college proved really frustrated ones as it was very much obsessing in many ways. One of the major difficulty that I had to face was a mobility problem during those initial days. This is the one area for blind fellows where they have to struggle a great deal, whenever they have to visit some new place. I still have the fresh memories of my first day at college which proved to be a shaky one and brought a deep mental distraction for me. I was highly confident to go myself to college from the very first day, perhaps that was the reason that I denied my brother’s help to go with me even despite my father’s concerns. But when I got out of the College bus,I then realised I had forgotten to bring my white cane with me. That was really a nervous moment as I did not have any clue about the college location etc. I, however, mustered up some courage in me and began moving on the campus track. I had hardly taken a few steps when got hit with some bench and felt great pain in my knee. But I quickly recovered the situation and moved further showing no signs of pain. After I took a few more quick yards, even more embarrassing thing happened.


Actually when I took turn to my lef,I couldn’t stop myself hitting my shoulder with a girl. She suddenly became so furious and charged up that right away she blessed me with a sweet slap on my face before I gave her the justification for my being impeccable. She wasn’t even ready to hear a single word from me and said repeatedly,
“o tum andhay ho tum ko nazar nahi aata”?”
”are u blind, can’t u see?”

In the mean while, some young guies also gathered there to show themselves to be great hero to protect their charming heroine. That really added some fuel to my miserable situation and I thought that i would soon be hanged on my very first day at campus. First they all assumed that I was telling a lie about my blindness, but when I, out of anger, started screaming madly and showed them all my braille notes, then they all came to realise about my bitter reality. The same girl, then, was really ashamed for her hasty behaviour and felt great regret for that. Nevertheless, it also proved fruitful for me in a way, that she, as a guide, remained whole of the day with me in the campus!

This, however, is amatter of great hindrance for the blind people that when they go to some new places, colleges, buildings etc, they face this problem very often. I personally feel that in a situation like this, there should be arrangements for blind people to get them completely familiar with the surroundings and environment before they joining such places. In this way, we can move freely right from the first day at new place without any guidance.
Also, there should be properly set up paths and tracks for visually impaired people and all structure of the building etc should be designed keeping in view the accessibility issues of blind.
Anyways, there is still a long way to go and countless things to be done in order to make life easier for blind in pakistan.
I then, had so many problems regarding my I.C.S, “inter in computer sciences” as for the blind students, there were no sufficient arrangements in the computer labs etc. Secondly, it wasn’t really a smooth task to deal with mathematics and stats also, for no sighted teacher knows the methods to teach these subjects to the blind students. But I was really lucky to have the guidance of one blind teacher Mr. Purvaze, who’d been teaching us in A J B as well. I had to work extremely hard and gave my all to manage with these tough subjects. Although, there had been number of serious problem during my I.C.S, but by the grace of Allah Almighty, I completed my I.C.S successfully obtaining very good marks. The computer science, however, was one big challenge as there wasn’t any special assistance in the practical lab for blind learners, but somehow, I, with the help of one kind sighted teacher controled most of the task. And that enabled me at least getting the passing marks in practical paper. I also joined couple of societies during my first-year at college, so when I was in second-year, I did participate in All Punjab Colleges Music Conference representing GC musical society and won price for the second position in Foke songs competition. This Musical event takes place once a year at Jinah Garden lahore. That was one of the biggest moment of my life as I was highly appreciated by a huge gathering of about 10000 people. In the very same show, my blind friend Ramzan, who was also from GC won gold medal for classical Tabla performance. After that we, the blind fellows, established our own musical band and named it VRP “voice of real people”. We were five guies at the start, but, soon after a blind girl Farhat, who is very nice singer, also joined our group. Thus, we were blessed with at least one girl in our group!
The best singer in our group is Tariq bhai and he is greatly gifted with extraordinary voice. He, basically is a Ghazal Singer but nonetheless, he is best at other lite and soft musical items as well. Masood, who is my very good friend,works as a drummer and also deals with the sound system and other technical stuff. Ramzan performs as a Tabla player and entertains the audience with his magical finger movements on Tabla!
Shazaib is an other enthusiastic singer who mostly sings the pop songs and other thrilling numbers. Farhat can also sing almost all sort of musical items with her charming and melodious voice. Last but not the least, this silly Salman gives his services on Electric keyboard or piano Etc. For about couple of years, we really kept ourselves busy in this activity by participating in different concerts etc. We also performed on several wedding functions and gained so much appreciation.
Many a time, we were promised to be sponsored for making our audio elbum by many big stage fishes, but all that proved to be false encouragements and political statements.
Farhat has departed our band last year due to some family reasons and we guies too doing no more regular shows for the last 6 months or so.
During all this period, my stay at GCU again has been really wonderful and progressive one also!
Yes I’m saying full of progress, for I’ve done my graduation in 2005 getting 76 percent marks. That was really a great and shining moment of my life when I got my result and had the gratification of becoming a successful Ravian Graduate. These two years, 2003 to 2005 was really a time of some great pleasure and big fun at campus!
I wasn’t really fortunate enough to have the company of sincere and nice friends during my first two years at GC and that was the reason I never felt myself to be comfortable in the campus with no friends around. Whereas, the time during my Third-year and fourth-year really brought so much enjoyable moments and unforgetable company of some precious fellows. Yes, right from the first day of my third-year at campus, I met with one of my class fellow Ali, who is still my best sighted friend. It was just due to this guy Ali that my two years at GC fluttered away in no time and I, like many of other naughty students, immensely enjoyed my time!
Ali never left me alone at the campus and we often bunked classes and spent our time in all sorts of stupid activities etc. While I’m writing all this, my mind is just reliving all those golden glimpses which always remain fresh on my memory island!
There were couple of other guies too, including Sajjad and Zohaib, who are nice friends too, but no one could fill into Ali’s shoes, for he is very caring and never makes me feel about my blindness. We both are quite similar in many regards, E.G. He has great interest in music and same have I, he has poetic germs and I try too, he loves to go to some romantic places and same do I,, He is unsuccessful lover and perhaps I have failure in this department as well!
We never hide any of our secret and share every thing with each other. Whenever, I’m blue or down for any of the reasons, he is always there for me, when same thing happens with him, I try my best to take him out of that situation. We both hated studding all the time and only showed our devotion and determination when exams would be at our head. Even then, we both scored more than 75 percent marks in graduation. We always had a combined-studies and whenever any one of us would be absent, it was really hard to open a book for the other. Ali, unfortunately, couldn’t continue his education after graduation, though he did get admission in GC for his masters, but for some personal reasons he gave up and established his computer business. We are no longer together in GC now, but that hasn’t really made any difference to our passionate friendship and still we spend most of our weekend time together.

For my master program in Government College University GCU, I preferred English Literature, for the subjects variety is limited in GC as compared to Punjab University. My interest, however, was more in mass communication and I did get admission for that in Punjab University, but I loved staying in GCU as the staff and atmosphere here is just up to my likings. Secondly, there are hardly any facilities for the blind in punjab university, also the visually impaired students get discouraged by the staff many a time, instead being assisted with required solutions to their problems. On the other hand, GCU has more to offer to the special students with things really getting in better shapes in recent times. I do consider myself a mighty lucky to be able to bring some useful changes in the campus by taking initiative in some of the aspects concerning with visually handicaps. I, for instance, introduced the new and handy method of taking exams via computer which proved a great sighof relief for me and now my junior blind students are also trying to adopt the same method to minimize their troubles related with critical issues of taking exams. This has always been one area where blind students mostly struggle whenever it comes to go through this hectic exam procedures. The basic reason behind this all is, that in pakistan , most of the blind students take their papers with the help of writers. So When their exams are at head, they usually find it extremely hard searching for the appropriate writers who are to be one class lower than the candidate. In this way, many students are unable to appear in the exams due to inaccessibility of a writer which at times costs them a great failure. On the other hand, the braille method for taking exams does not prove to be very useful either, as the colleges/universities show their laziness in order to get braille papers transcribed in time. Sometimes, they don’t find proper braille teachers for this job and many times they even forget this task to be done to create more frustrations for blind students. Thus, when overall result is declared, blind student finds that his marksheet is still in pending list for the fact that no one from the examination staff has paid any damn heat to send the papers for the conversion process. So when a blind student has to apply for the next class admission, he, the poor, still keeps hanging on waiting list for his results which is really terrible thing to face. The very same thing happened to me when I had to apply for my graduation addmission in GCU and due to my pending result, I was just on the urge of losing this opportunity to become a Ravian graduate. Infact, if I had not been a part of GCU for my I.C.S, I would have been easily denied the admission due to very late result.
This is why, I reckon this computer method for exams a most suitable one for blind students particularly at college/university level. By adopting this method, visually impaired students do not have to depend on anyone to serve as a writer, neither there is any need for the braille papers to be transcribed etc, Until now, two of my junior college fellows have also had their exams via computer and are pretty confident and glad about that, for they didn’t have to wait too long for their result, nor there was any need to hire a writer. I know this is not easy for every single blind to start taking exams via computer right away, but sooner or later, they have to be completely familiar with computer and adopt this method for their comfort. For this purpose, we have now a separate section computer lab in GCU where blind students could go any time to increase their computer skills and to be benefitted educationally. I also love to guide and help my juniors in this area and stress the importance of computer for their education purposes. Though I’m still learning so many thing myself, but nevertheless, I mostly depend on computer for my study courses and heavily rely on electronic-texts. To be honest enough, I openly admit this computer to be an essential part of my life not only for study help, but I’m also crazy about internet and keep myself busy in cyberspace world. I’ve been using this awesome medium for the last three four years and gained so much knowledge through this. Other than learning number of things through internet, I also have had great friends from different corners of the world and now they are deeply attached to my life, for these emotional connections mean a lot to me. On the other side of the picture, this has also caused me a great discomfort and a state of melancholy on number of occasions for some certain reasons. Many people take these formal connections to be for granted and suspect them to be not that much important for them. But in my case, things are quite opposite, as I do pay deep regard to these timely links and all of the sudden these become very precious to me and hard to live without. I might somewhat be detached or careless at times, but it never loses the worth of these emotional relations in my true heart. As a matter of fact,if I, at any stage of my life, get separated from any of my friend for any reasons, I always feel dejection and sorrow for that. Also, I give my best to keep things transparent and quite clear in friendships etc, so that no misunderstanding could take plase and things remain uncomplicated and unsophisticated. I simply hate those people who, without investigating or knowing the true reality about anyone or anything, start having their ears to false stories and untrue facts merely to destroy their relationship or friendships etc. I never intend to praise myself for any thing, but it has certainly been in my nature not to go for any obnoxious rumour, nor I believe any thing till I get my satisfaction by knowing the reality to its fullest.


My general activities and interests!

Well you might be having a better clue already about my interests by reading all silly descriptions regarding my personality, that I’ve so far written. But to give a rather detailed touch,I would add some more to make things even clear!
As I’m very sentimental sort of guy, my being so much interested in poetry is some thing natural. That is why, I occasionally write Urdu poetry too, especially when its raining and the whole atmosphere becomes all together a romantic one and nature speaks all around me!
I’ve been doing this emotional activity since my school days, but the real boostup came when I was in second-year at my College with my love story at its peak!
I don’t know whether I should speak of these thing in this life-description of mine or not, but then, if nothing remains hidden from Allah, then whats the point of hiding something from this bloody world. Though, I can’t disclose these sensative matters with so much detail, for it has to do much with the concerns of other party.
Anyways, as i was mentioning that from my second-year at GC onwards I did lots of poetry as I was having some mad moments of my life. Yes, I’m saying them mad for their proving mighty devastating for me. These moments, however, turned me totally mad lover and with my being blind,u could better imagine about a blind love!
“yes aik andha piar”
It wasn’t really a matter of one-sided story,but other party too was burning with love flames.
“je han, donoo taraf thi aag baraber lagi hoi”
perhaps, now I’ve enter a craziest part of my life-story, but its not my headache, for I’ve started sharing these matters unconsciously and you need to show some patience in order to digest all this without really laughing at my funny yet merciful love chapter. It was just a beginning of 2003 when this girl came in my life and soon after, we both became very important for each other. At first, I thought this to be perhaps a timely crush, as I had already experienced a little bit like that during school days when I was in class 10. But on a serious note, it wasn’t some thing like that, therefore, it kept flourishing with every passing day to make life beautiful for both of us!
With every passing second, we became nearer and nearer and felt our souls to be connected tightly with each other. She was so kind and loving to me and never ever felt about my blindness. We were deeply involved in each other that we couldn’t help talking on phone the whole nights. Infact,whenever there was a time that we couldn’t talk for a day or two, the life really seemed to be meaningless and full of darkness. Anyways, I better sum up this foolish chapter, as it gives me pain even to relive those dismal memories which I’ve buried far behind in my past graveyard. All the same, after two years of mad love and golden moments that we both had shared, suddenly a terrible and destructive storm hit our love-garden and tore our souls apart. Actually, when our love chronicle was dawned upon her family members, they became extremely enraged and restricted all ways of communications between both of us. Her sister, however, was the only one, who was in our favor and she also helped for some time by making us communicate through her mobile phone.
Those critical days were really hard and gloomy by all means. The basic reason of her family members being so cruel and harsh was not just that she was in mad love with me, but my blindness which they were never ready to accept. On this painful attitude of her family, she became mighty shaken both mentally as well as physically. Thus, She got hospitalised for a week or so and because of her critical condition, her mother allowed her to contact me temporarily. On the other hand, when I smelled our future to be an abortive one, I became internally dead and left my home for some days, because my family was greatly worried on my miserable state. I could never forget those five or 6 days of my life, when I left home and spent my time on footpaths, public parks etc. I even tried to take my life away by committing suicide but then felt for my parents. I love my mother dearly, that was the reason that I had to returned to home,for my parents were helpless and splintered because of my abnormal attitude. Although, my life seemed to be ending without her presence around, but I promised to myself not to take any rash step as I needed to live for my parents who love me more than anyone else in this universe. Then, after some days she managed to call me somehow and ensured me that she still loved me and all we needed to do was just to wait for a right time before going for any bold decision. In this way, a few days later, she decided to go for court marriage, as it was the only option she had. AT first, I felt glad, for I was to get her forever by all means, but after closely analysing the situation, things really looked ominous to me. I kept pressurising her to convince her family as that was the only respectable way of getting her.
It was the month of june 2004 while I was having summer vocationsafter my third-year at college and she was just free from her graduation, when we both decided for Court marriage later in september. Fortunately, we had a period of about three months to be able to think on certain issues and the consequences of our audacious action which we both were committed to conduct later sometime. In the mean time, I discussed about our plan with my best friend Ali and Tariq bhai and they were kind enough to show me the right path and stop me from going into such hasty decision which could have proved desolating one particularly for her family. This was a time of real test for me, as I had to come up with some thing very sensible, at the sametime, I never wanted to consider my life to be without her either. On the other hand, her mother became very ill as she was heart patient too, so this factor also shattered our determination as we never wanted to give her such a shock, keeping in mind her critical condition. Finally, after going through countless confounding moments, we eventually concluded to give up our idea of court marriage prefering her mother’s gratification. When her mother gained some health recovery, we again thought to try our luck once again by convincing her for our relationship, But that too proved useless, for she was determined enough for separating us and to see the end of our brainsick love. We both were quite desperate for each other, but found no way to come out of that confined destiny. At last, there came a time when she wasn’t able to carry on with our correspondence and our so called passionate love-story reached to its conclusion. Her last E-mail was clearly full of tears and I felt her each painful word that she was compelled to write to me.
In that mail she at last admitted to surrender to her family and being a typical eastern soul, it was for certain to bow before her parents.

Thus, the major cause of our detachment was nothing else but my blindness, some thing which I could not help.

Was it really my fault to become blind?
Did I do this bloody harm to myself?
I was merely rejected for some thing which I wasn’t responsible for?
Was that really equitable to me by the cruel nature?
Why I had to sow such an outcome which I never reaped myself?
Why we, at times, become so much helpless that we have no option but to suffer greatly and that too without any fault?
Why did this world punish me for some bloody deed that I never committed by my own hands?
Why does God give some physical deficiency, only to be ignored and rejected by the society?,
Why do people take some impairment to be curse on them and feel themselves superior to that?

These were some of the questions that kept chasing my mind after that unrecoverable loss of my life. I had never felt ruefulness for my blindness, but this was for the very first time in my life when my blindness seemed to me a greatest source of defeat. I really wanted to kill myself as I was just unable to get my first love because of my blindness. Anyhow, one thing is for sure, that life goes on and on even after the departure of some one very important. Though at first life seems to be offering nothing much to live with, but certainly the journey never stops, for it still has some thing to offer later at some point!
“kut hee gai judai bhee kab yeh huwa kay mar gay,
tairay bhee din guzar gay mairay bhee din guzar gay”
yess, this is the bitter reality of life, u lose some and get some in return!

Ok now ending this darkening love subject and you better forget it too as quickly as possible!
Presently, I’m very much contented with most of the things in life and try to spend eachmoment with great sprightliness., though, every now and again, those love memories knock upon the heart door but I don’t allow them to capture my soul.